a lot of us grew up without a father Or a mother I can speak on that because I'm one of those people i grew up knowing who my father was but he didn't play a role in my life I use to see my father at family events with his wife talking about the trips they have taken the car's that he has, the gifts that he buy's for his wife. But the question in the back of mind would always be how is your daughter doing..? How could you have a child in this world and not care.?
My mother, grandparents and aunt and uncles, always made sure i had everything that i ever wanted because they felt sorry for me knowing their son, brother, Ex my father was a dead beat dad that wasn't around they smothered me with so much love, support and encouragement that will last me a lifetime but all that attention didn't amount up to me wanting my father. I played a role and acted like i didn't care where my dad was or what he did, i didn't care that he wasn't there but deep down I was hurt, mad , upset yelling out you where suppose to be here to protect me against any harm your suppose to care what's wrong with me why can't you love me why can't you just be here. All i wanted was for my father to be there for me to show me how proud he was of me thats all i wanted from his was his love At the age of 8 i started saying i didn't have a father as I got older I started to hate my father everyday all that anger at a young age towards a man who brought me into this world.
I got older my father had more children that he didn't take care not apart of their life doing the same thing to them as he did to me Yet again SMH I remember sitting down with baby brother he turned and looked at me and said sissy why doesn't daddy love me if I was to die today daddy wouldn't care why does he hate us so much what did we do wrong..? Hearing that from a 6 year broke my heart I didn't know what to tell my brother or what to say as he looked at me to answer his questions all I could do is cry because I didn't have an answer to his question because I was still waiting on mine to be answered. I was so mad at my father not only was he hurting me he was hurting my brothers as well and he doesn't even care but yet We still want him to be apart of our lives we still call him daddy its unfair to see friends at the park with their fathers or seeing pictures of my friends and their fathers at Disneyland or to hear about how much fun my friends and their fathers had at work and all the cool things they did. wanting to be able to say and share my stories with them knowing I can't because my father isn't apart of my life I was always jealous of my friends who had there fathers in there life I didn't understand why they had there dads and why I couldn't have mine. I felt sorry for me and my brothers just hoping and wishing our dad would step up but he never did.
I got sick of hearing about what other dads did for there children so stepped up For my brothers i goto every game, play, show that my brothers have flying state to state for holidays , graduations , birthdays to show them they are loved making sure they have a story to tell I never ever wanted them to feel the way that I felt when i was there age i want them to know they are amazing boys growing into strong men and they are not missing out on our father he missing out on them. when I became of legal age I changed my last name to my mothers because She has been my mother and father and i know longer wanted to carry a man that I didn't know last name. I grew out of wishing, hoping and wanting my father to be their for me and my brothers I stopped hating him i finally accepted him for who he is does it hurt not knowing him yes but I won't dwell on his absence he missed out on me and getting to know who i am not me knowing who he is its his lost that he has to live with not me.
No matter how many times we may ask god why wasn't my father or mother there for me why did they turn there back on me why don't they love me. I can honestly say that is a question we all would like answered but we cant not dwell, nor should we hate them for there actions all we can do is for give them and pray and thank them for being a hell of an example of what type of parent not to be or to ever become.
Wow Nia. I was looking at your FB page and looking to friend you and saw the blogspot; and read your story. Sorry you had to endure that growing up. I grew up without a father too but he waskilledin the military when I was 3 months old. God bless you and hop you stay positive and on the right track to make thing happen in your life.
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