When someone says they don't care they truly do
I've made a lot of mistakes when it has come to love I just wanted some one to be there to hold me and love me I remember my 1st boyfriend had 2 kids a high school dropout and me giving him money I was used and played for a fool but I thought he loved me I thought he cared about me and I would be with him for the rest of my life. Looking back I didn't mean anything to this boy he looked me as a joke i spent 3 and a half years with him he would lie, cheat and do him but i would always take him back because i felt that he loved me "dummy" but i was done taking him back he cheated on me for the last time but this time he got a girl pregnant. To know I've spent all high school years with a dog I was sick and disappointed with myself saying aren't you done getting hurt bye people who supposedly love you aren't you done crying when are you going to say enough is enough.
The best thing for me to do was move away I moved away and went off to college free and starting a brand new life new job, new friends starting a fresh new start it wasn't long until I found someone and start dating just ending one relationship starting a new one never giving myself time to heal from my ex thinking that my new boyfriend was such an upgrade thinking to myself he has money, real diamonds, 3 cars a Porsche, Jaguar, BMW hes 23 plays football wow I've truly Came up... Ahahahahahahah if only i knew who I was truly getting to know another dropout instead of playing ball he choose to be a d.boy instead me playing a fool yet a again and being a sucker for love paying his bills putting money on his books going to see him while he was in jail paying for every date we have ever had I felt like this is my ex all over again where did I go wrong why am I still here after four years I walked away from him and never looked back.
Moved back to Los Angeles never wanting to date, never wanting to be in another relationship ever again i was done with men i focused on me and my dreams because when I was with my ex's I put all my dreams on hold so I swore I would never do that again , so i went straight to work taking every project I can to keep my mind off how stupid And dumb. My friends told me I need to see someone and stop working so much have fun not all men are the same so I let them set me up on a blind date here I go agin another college football player at that hes younger than me but honestly when we met he wasn't anything like my ex's he was kind he was a god fearing man, he had dreams outside of football he was a family man, he wanted to know everything about me in the back of my mind I'm saying this is to good to be true this can't be real there are no such thing as good men. But he was he was the 1st man to ever give me a rose , the 1st man to ever take me out on a date, the 1st man who took me shopping the 1st man who cared about my need's more than his own. He supported me in everything that I did he encouraged me to be the best that I can be he was an such amazing boyfriend. I pushed him away I was mean I treated him like crap when all he did was treat me with respect he was truly an amazing person but in the back of my mind I felt like this can't be real something wrong, he cheating on me I was looking for anything always looking for a fight i knew he did deserve to be treated like ish i just didnt know how to love him or show him i could love all he seen was a bitter, mean, spoiled girl who needs the never cheated on me he was just trying to love me i knew i had a good man bye side but i didnt care I wanted to hurt him I wanted him to feel the way I did I was taking what my ex's did out on him which wasn't fair. So we broke up he still wanted us to be friends but I wouldn't have it he would always tell me nia your going to regret your choices and actions I told him nope and I didn't care I changed my # and never spoke to him again.
But in all truth I do regret treating him wrong because I was trying to act so tuff and act like I didn't care but deep down I loved him I still do but Its to late to fix things he will always be the one that i will forever miss but I'm truly happy he has found someone to love him and treat him with the respect he deserves. I will always wish him well :) because of him I know there are some good men out in the world and I had a pleasure of knowing one of them.
After my ex i found myself talking to guys but not taking them seriously because none of them were truly worth my time just a good laugh, dinner, movie date nothing more I kept myself busy working magazines ,videos,hosting events no time to really take anyone seriously it's not like I didn't want to but none of them couldn't amount up to my ex standards I still find it hard trying to replace him because no one has shown me what he has have I given up on love no but I'm not rushing it
A lot of us have been hurt and we say beep love but don't say that because god has made someone for each and everyone us and he will send them to us when he feels that we are ready because having a partner is a true blessing no matter how many times love made me look stupid played me for a fool I had a chance to experience a pice of what love can fell like so when it comes back around I know how to act I know how to love back without fearing my point is people don't hold on to hurt and pain because if you do you will block the person god has in-store for you keep hope and continue to believe in today's day and age people say beep it noooo don't save that it's out thetas your just not willing to accept it be willing people give it a chance open yourself and heart to some one who is willing to do the same for your trust me you will know who deserves your heart and loving just give him or her time they are on the way
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