in my own skin

Sometimes we allow what others say about us determine our paths down life we let them get into our ears and say what we are doing is wrong we allow them to take a little of us bye there words.  Know one can ever see the battle someone else is fighting with in but bringing someone down is not the way to build yourself up. Be proud of who you are, be proud of your skin color, shape,size, be proud to be yourself stand with your head held high and say I am who I am and this is me. Be the greatest lawyer, nurse, rapper whatever you choose to be in your life be proud to follow your dreams never allow someone to cloud your judgement or stop you from doing what it is that you set out to do. 

No one can take anything from you

Sometimes I amaze myself with the things that I do and say like wow those words I can't believe came from me I show growth and strength every single day I would have never thought in a million years that I would be living out my dreams running my own business I am so proud of myself for not becoming who everyone thought I was going to be. 

Sometimes we just have to tell our self that we are proud of our self I know I am because know one believed in me he'll I didn't believe in myself sometimes because I felt like things would never happen I would never see my dreams come true but I remember something that my god sister told me she said You never cared what people thought you are very outspoken you always said and did what you wanted to do you never took no for an answer you always made a way out of know way and you made a non believer into a believer you know what she was right I got caught up with what people thought about me and how they looked at me I for got who I was and what i overcame and the things that I  accomplished without people help so how dAre I allow someone to tell me who I am or what I should be doing .G.T.F.O.H my sister told me lol I love her because she made me realize:

If I would have stayed in the mind set trying to show people and please them and listened to everything someone had said  or what they are saying about me or that achieving my dreams would be just that a dream I would not be standing here today with my own business and getting closer and closer each day to achieving my dreams and buying my grandmother that house she always dreamed of and saying to everyone who said I couldn't how you like me now...

My point is people never allow people to steal your joy and break you down because know matter if you are doing good or bad someone will always will have something to say about you don't let what they see get to you and make you second guess yourself and talents never do it and  when it comes to love he'll if someone can't support you and back you up you don't  need to be with that person at all if they don't give you all the love and support that you show them then walk away you deserve someone who believes in you and  supports you with everything that you do. But most of all people believe in yourself and keep your faith trust me you will succeed.  "Never give up hope never " I want all of you to have  an amazing night my loves goodnight and god bless you all

NIA   

People grow up and grow apart

Be happy within your own skin have self happiness 

So many people say things to people to hurt them and bring them down i find it so messed up when people say someone has changed because they have a little fame I'm sorry but I believe when people who have dreams and go after them  they do change and they aren't the person that they use to be or the person you once knew there surroundings have changed because they are chasing and following there dreams and getting a little buzz about there self doesn't make them for get who they are and where they come from people out grow one another and there is nothing wrong with that at all I say do you and continue to grow into the amazing person that you are.

I often get ive changed and I'm Hollywood because Of the things I'm doing for my life and all I can say is yeah I have changed a lot of times people feel that because I went to school with them that I should know who they are and we should hang out I remain to my 2 best friends since 1st grade and we are all friends still.  I will say I have grown up and I'm not the same person that I use to be Ive changed my surroundings my life style and the people that I did hang out with what do we have in common I don't have any children I don't know what it's like to be in jail I don't know what it's like to be shot. So I agree with most sometimes people out grow one another or sometimes people just take a look at friends that they use to kick it around and say I don't want to end up like them that's an example of what I don't want to be like. He'll it's mean to say but very true and I think we all feel the same way.

Now I don't want anyone to take what I'm saying the wrong way but a lot of people that I have went to school with have gone to the army so I don't know what it's like to fight for my country i thank them and pray god keeps them and others fighting for our beautiful country safe god bless you all. Then I have friends who hustle who are in and out of jail then I have friends who have 2-  3 kids so I can say people change once they get older everyone has a path to follow some people stay in touch and some don't and  just because some may have been your friend in high school doesnt mean your my friend to day we may have been close then but everyone has a falling out people leave for college and make new friends people grow up and apart is all I'm trying to say.

When enough is enough

I see sometimes we make the same mistakes over and over afraid of change it's clear that I make the same mistakes over and over when it comes to giving someone my time and love I go above and beyond for the person that I am with never do I get the same in return I ask myself is it me it must be because how could someone  ever allow their self to be treated this way. I have learned to let go and choose myself before my boyfriend for I am not selfish but I see I'm always the one trying to make things work in my relationship I am the one always fighting because I was always taught when you are in a relationship you stick bye the person you are with until the end you have your say so but you never walk away. Your building a life with this person spending time with one another you can't walk away so I never have I have stayed bye and watched my boyfriend cheat on me but yet I forgave and kept our relationship going I have stuck bye when my boyfriend was down and out holding him down and putting money in his pocket and making sure the bills were taken care of until he got back on his feet. I have stood bye and watched and sat while my ex would talk about how good another woman was looking but all in the back of my mind this isn't right this is not what a relationship should be it should be even it should be happiness of one another it shouldn't be any cheating at any time yes I understand a man is going to do what he is going to do but no there comes a time when a man should give up his player ways and know what he has at home never wanting to hurt her saying I have a good thing at home I never want to lose that and I feel that goes for a woman as well when you have a good man or woman bye your side treat them with the love and respect they deserve.

I say if a person doesn't see you for who you truly are then you need to leave if they aren't willing to change and stuck in there selfish ways then you shouldn't stay or deal with anyone who doesn't make you happy I had to learn the hard way  trust me i mean the hard way people always ask me nia how do I get over someone that I adore and love so much I say to leave and if they ever come back it was meant to be but if they dont then you have the answer to your own question i can not speak of someone else's relationship but my own i can not say what someone else is doing but i can say always fight for someone who's willing to fight for you if they aren't then leave and never turn back  I know it sucks I wish I could see everyone happy when it comes to love but in today's day in age we all have lost our values and respect for one another and what the true meaning of being in a relationship means it's not about what someone can do or how much money they have it's about building a bound a friendship and hopefully one day a family and marriage that's what I think I have spent 4years in a relationship with my ex and my most recent a year and out of that time I seen that neither one of them wanted what I wanted neither one of them understood what it was like to be loved Or maybe I misunderstood or I was the fool for staying when I should have left a long ass time ago when they shown me there true colors but like most we stay hoping that they'll change and see what they have never in your  life wait around for anyone I speak from what I know and what I have been threw I was never happy with neither i stayed because i was in love but there is a point where you get so sick of being hurt to were you grow strength and self respect and walk away and say to yourself that you deserve better as you should no one should ever feel like they are in love alone. Walk away its going to hurt it's not going to be easy I still find myself crying from time to time but I love the choice I made bye walking away because I know deep down inside someone is out there meant for me to love me the way I will love them back treat me with the respect that I will treat them with never give up hope or say your done with love you have to go threw a few bad relationships to truly understand what your next one should be like you always learn from what you didn't do to better your next one always take a relationship that ends as a lesson learned.

If your like me who puts others before yourself stooooooooooooppppp that right now and put yourself 1st yes I'm telling you to be selfish because at the end of the day you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you and I can honestly say I didn't love myself enough so I allowed what I allowed because I just wanted to be held and loved but now when I look back it wasn't love it was just a lost girl looking for things she never had but now I love myself more than ever and building and uplifting myself more and more and I think you should know your value and your worth once you find it and know it watch how better you feel watch what you will not allow you have grown self respect for yourself.  I  have spoiled myself so when it comes to my next he has a lot of impressing and work to do to out shine me I set the bar high and I love it. Treat yourself how you would want someone else to treat you set a bar it can be how ever high you want it to be because someone out there is going to fight so hard to reach it aNd that's when you will know how much that person truly loves and cares for you. 

My point is stop always being the one fighting let someone fight for you let some one show you what's it's like to be in love stop chasing after people who arent worth a damn thing and start looking at the person whos trying to show you how much they cAre and adore you.  

These are my life fears & struggles

Sometimes when people say you seem like the type of girl who had everything handed to her you don't know what it's like to struggle  but little do  people know I grew up with not having the best of things and I just stop and look and say you have know idea what I have been threw I've been abused as a child by people who supposedly loved me I know what it's like to struggle I grew up with not having the best of things  

there was times when I didn't have running water at my home so I  would have to take showers at my friends house or at school early in the morning so know one would see me I know what it's like to come home and not have food in the fridge or sometimes not even having lights walking into a dark house Lighting candles just to have lights walking to the store buying water and carrying big old water jugs so me And my brother can take a bath trying to make something out of nothing so me and my brother can eat so trust me I know what it's like to struggle but yet again that's people judging me not knowing and assuming I've watched my mother work two jobs just to take care of me and my brother she never had any help from anyone she did the best she could do for us And  I thank her we never complained about not having we was just always grateful that we did have clothes on our backs and a place to call home.

Im a very humble young lady I'm thankful for what I do have I know what's it's like walking and taking the train and bus everywhere. not having a car or having money and not spending it on yourself. I'm always doing for others and paying my bills off that there's never anything left over for me so trust me I know what it's like wearing the same shoes and clothes over and over again ive done it my whole life and still doing it. I'm not going to act like A lv bag or red bottoms  make me because they dont martial things don't matter to me instead of a shoe I rather buy myself a house so I have a place to call home I want to buy real things that matter most to me. Spending my money on paying my bills off and hopefully saving up enough money to take trips for me and my family so I can  show them the most beautiful places in the world. I don't open myself up to people due to being judged I'm afraid of what people may say about me that's why I bottle up my feelings and expressing  myself  Im afraid of allowing someone to get to know the real me. I can write it all down and people can read it but me facing someone and telling them is different its hard to look someone in the eyes and telling them this is me without crying I feel like when people open up about who they are and the things they have been threw then People Assume that person wants something and that's not the case sometimes we just wAnt people to know who we truly are and help them to have a clear understanding of why we are the way that we are, but I have never given a person a chance to get to know me because I'm afraid of how they may act and what they may think of me so I keep my problems and everything That I am going threw to myself so I smile and laugh always helping some one else out I feel the less people know about me the less I have the chance of getting judged and hurt and maybe that's unfair but hey that's just me. Trust me I care about everyone that comes into my life even those who leave it I just show people the side of me they always want to see not even to my family i have to be strong...im trying to let my guard down and open up and trust people with my past and present it's truly hard for me to trust because I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me or thinking I want anything from them because I don't i just want people to understand i know what it's like to struggle And be without I face everything on my own this is my life the problems I face are mine no one else's I stand on my own everything I do in my life is on my own never a helping hand from anyone as much as I would love to open up and ask for help I won't my ego and pride won't let me. Some of you reading this is saying nia you cant be like that its unfair but in my eyes it's not ive been taken care of myself since I was a young girl all I know how to do is depend on myself I don't ask people for help I don't express emotion because I've always had to be tuff and strong for my brothers I would love to trust and allow people in but I don't know how I'm not a bad person I'm just afraid that's all it's nothing personal we all go threw things and in due time I'll let you in.      

The fight isn't over

Lately I have been feeling down until today I am more motivated than I have ever been before I use to complain and say I felt like I didn't deserve to be here that my life didn't have any purpose until I figured out and got sick of sitting back and just letting time pass me bye I had to realize I've overcome so much look what i have done for myself I started my own foundation and im starting my own business not for myself but for my family yes life gets stressful and things get hard and sometimes I feel as if I am alone in this world with know one too talk to or help me threw but it's ok because I know I have myself and god and I always have to think of my family I can't give up what about those children depending on me how could I turn my back on them I may be down and going threw something but they are are going threw a lot more so let me stop and think of some one other than myself.

I have to thank god for answering my prayers and I hear what he is telling me to do go harder than I have ever gone amd do things that I have never done and do not be afraid of change or walking in my faith alone because he is near guiding me every step of the way so for that I thank him for bringing me out of my funk that I was going threw sometimes I am to hard on my self and have to wait for things in due time everything happens for a reason but me being on this earth wasn't a mistake me living is an honor because I have a purpose I didn't understand it nor did I see it until now and I am more thankful to god for allowing me another chance and giving me my hope and making me strong today and everyday.

Sometimes it's hard for us to see because we allow what others are doing to block our sight of achieving because we are jealous and don't understand why them and not us not we are not all meant to walk the same journey. We all have different paths in store for us so don't not fear if things may seem hard don't lost sight don't give up believe believe and believe in all things you set your mind to sometime we have to lock our self away to come to a clear understanding sometimes it's us that can only bring our self out of a certain things that we go threw in life. I guess the saying is true you can only depend on yourself to pull you threw god will always be there helping and showing you every step of the way. So don't be upset so be be worried and most importantly never give up on yourself ever no matter how hard things may seem you will achieve and overcome believe it.  

Out of control

I'm suppose to be sleeping but I have so much on my mind I just thought I would come on here and blog and write it all down.. There are so many thoughts running threw my mind it's hard to try to figure them all out. I don't even know where to start.

I'm not happy I'm disappointed with a lot of things I'm lost and stuck and do not know where to turn I feel as the world is all coming down on me and I don't know how to handle it all it's not like I can cry on the shoulder of my best friend because she lives in NYC I have no one to talk to I feel alone and I know I come off as a strong person I am but sometimes I need someone to lean on and ask for advice but as of now I don't have that I don't know who to call it seems like every time I call someone they are all going threw there own problem's so I help them solve there's and just keep my own to myself.. 

It's hard always being there for everyone else and having know one to be there for you I always go above and beyond for people but know one has my back or does the same for me maybe it's the people I hang around but that even goes for my own family honestly who can I turn to every one always wants something and I'm not able to always give people what they ask for I don't know  how to say know to people it's like you tell me what you need and I try my best to make it happen if something is wrong I'm the person everyone comes to but I asked myself who can I turn to when I need help or advice and I truly see I can't depend on anyone to be there I face everything alone I know god has my back but sometimes I feel like he's not around or if I'm looking for a word to help me threw and I can never find it no matter how many times I pray and ask god to guide me I feel as if He does not hear my prayers or see my tears .. 

Stress and crying have been my best friend lately and I am to young to be stressed out crying myself to sleep I would say I want to give up on everything I have been working so hard for but me giving up on my dreams is me giving up on my life Ive been soul searching ive been staying away from those who wish to see me fail but yet I'm still stuck I've been kind to those who haven't been kind to me I've helped those who really needed help with money and a place to stay knowing if the tables where turned they wouldn't do the same.

I feel that I'm a kind person who's always looking out for everyone so again the question comes up at hand why do bad things always happen to me why is it one thing after another I do right I don't do wrong I respect people and there wishes. But why is it that I get disrespected why do I get my feeling hurt why do people try to bring me down why do I take on everyone else's problems what the he'll is wrong with me I'm so damn lost and have no idea how to uplift myself I go to god I go to church but yet I still feel the same way as i did yesterday I try putting myself and my needs before everyone else but it seems what I want and what I need to do is always last I give so much of my time and self to people that I'm tired and drained emotionally and physically it's not like I have a boyfriend to run and talk to I'm single it's not like I can run and talk to my family or friends no one wants to hear my troubles there all worried about if I can hook them up with this person or that maybe I just need to cut everyone and everything out my life until I can get myself together.