Can't walk away

Loving the wrong person is hard because you know you want to be with them but you know that it will never work out between the two of you know matter how hard you fight and try to make things work with that person.

I have given space to the man I truly can not stop thinking about I love him more than words can say but I know deep down in my heart he isn't the one for me but No matter how many times I walk away and say I'm done and let time pass us bye he is always on my mind.

When I go threw our text MSG I just glow with the sweet things he says but then I think to myself stop because he isn't the one but my heart says he is when my mind says he's not.

What is a girl to do when she's in love and can't walk away seems like this has been the story of my life for the last four years we have been doing this dance of ours he says he done with me but comes back and when I say I'm done with him I come back what do we do when we both care but don't know how to walk away .!

My healthy meal

For all of you who don't know I have taken my health a lot more seriously and I am only eating & cooking yummy healthy foods.

I wanted to share one of dinner meals with you guys that I am absolutely in love with this dish that I made a very yummy chicken burrito The ingredients that I used:
ground chicken with a freshly squeezed Lemon to give the chicken flavor I used absolutely No seasoning whatsoever i threw in bell peppers red,yellow, orange and green along with dutch yellow potatoes black beans, avocado, spinach and tomatoes and brown rice Tortillas shells and English Cheddar with caramelized onions and i must say the meal was delicious I hope you guys enjoy this very yummy Low calories meal :)

Tell yourself everyday who you are

I think finding inner peace is a wonderful thing you can do for yourself because it makes you face the fears that you may have been having the doubts the worries

I've come to face mine and I have had this weight just lift from me and its amazing I keep myself happy I tell myself everyday what I can achieve and what I never say what I can not do but what I can because I am Nia J I have a purpose I know who I am and I am not afraid of changes I embrace them on this journey of life that I am on I know longer allow people to mistreat or disrespect me

Putting blame on ours is not what I do I own up to all my flaws all my actions I see me for me and knowing what's right and wrong and making the choices I need to for myself has been such an Amazing experience to finally let my soul be free to know my worth my respect my love my soul just having this all for myself is wonderful and uplifting god is my everything then myself and family and friends doors open because I make them happen dreams be some real because I made them real

When you worry and fear you bring the I can't and because of this person I'm not able to do this we make up so many excuses and that's something I can no longer do and won't allow in my life

I advise you my loves to come into your own person and ask yourself who are you what is your purpose in life ask yourself this question every single day and watch how wonderful and free you feel no worries or fears just you at peace with yourself

Give onto others

No matter what level of success you reach in your life always remain humble always the true blessing is always in giving and reaching out & showing No matter where we come from or what we have been threw it was all 2 get you 2 the point where you are today times may get hard and you may want to give up but don't remain strong and watch how god will bless you but in that blessing is a test when you reach success don't be greedy give and see how god will bless you even more for giving and loving your brothers and sisters a humble heart is worth more

Self Love is the Best Love

I never had a love for myself never really thought highly of myself but once I found a love in me telling myself everyday that I am smart, strong, beautiful , fearless I found that I was at a inner peace within and I seen such a change within myself I No longer worry about things I No longer feel as if I'm not good enough I No loner am afraid of things I worry less and fear nothing I am finally at peace and it's an amazing feeling keeping myself up and believing in my beauty not only on the outside but the one I have within in me is a beautiful and great feeling blessed to have a wonderful faith and to finally see me for me and being ok with who I truly am is a wonderful feeling that No one but god could open my eyes to show me

Changes

I'll go anywhere I want to in my life I will travel the world and achieve greatness on my own because I have god by my side and my faith is so strong there's nothing can stop me not even me letting go of shady ways letting go of depending on others to show me the love and respect that I deserve because I have it for myself love and self worth self power to be all that I can be :)

Calling on me

I can't keep crying I can't keep putting myself down I just can't keep doing it its not fair to me it's not fair To the person who's waiting on me I'm sorry I'm an emotional person who sometimes gets so lost in my feelings and feel bad that so many things haven't turned out the way I wanted them to not because of other people I can't blame them for how they treated me I let it go on I let myself believe it was ok because it was out of love or because I felt they cared its never ok to let people mistreat you ever it's not ok to 2 nd guess who you are as a person you wonderful inside and out and if people can't see that then that's there problem not yours never change the amazing person you are for anyone it takes time to achieve your dreams but as long as you believe in yourself you will make them happen stay on the right path stay motivated stay humble but most of all stay wonderful and keep fighting for your happiness never let the devil knock you off your path keep your head healed high and your faith so strong there's nothing you can not do God has your back and will see you every step of the way it's never to late for any of us my loves never

I No i get all in my emotions just to realize I know what god has called me to do wasting my time and gifts on people who dont matter is showing god I'm not thankful or grateful for what he has done for me or what he has planned for me so with that being said forgive me of all my sins guide me to the road of peace and what I was born to do on this earth my true calling in life watch me grow into the woman I know you want me to be amen

Everything I question

I am over being kind I know people say never hold what someone else has done to you over others but explain to me when everyone who has walked into your life has done nothing but hurt you how do you not treat everyone the same I have been battling giving my heart going above and beyond but yet I still have the same outcome every time

Is there something wrong with me where I find it ok to be mistreated to be talk to like crap buying and giving and taking care of others I'm so confused and lost in my own thoughts I pray to god he hears my prayers he answers them i know I complain so much and people get sick of it and I'm sure god does to but how do I make things change into self power self worth self love

I feel as if I have all 3 but my heart is so huge I hate saying no I hate not giving I hate not caring I love putting others people needs before my own I feel I'll be more blessed by doing so I never want anything from anyone but a thank you and a smile but am I doing to much for others and nothing enough for myself i know half of the things i do people will never return the favor or do the things I do for them as they will do for me but I don't care that's not why I give wanting something in return that's not why I go above and beyond Wanting them 2 return the favor

I question myself am I a good person in my heart i feel that i am but why do so many bad things happen to me whAts my real purpose in life all this writing is showing me how much I need To get on my knees and pray to god I should never question my worth or my purpose on this earth

When you can't cry anymore

You ever have someone tell you how much you mean to them and tell you not to worry about anyone else because they see the real you and you spend time having heart to hearts talks learning and opening up more with one another about your childhood stories family stories and just life period.

To be at an event and to follow one another around to show out and show everyone at the event you both talk to one another giving someone who means so much to you a gift and they say thank you but don't call you to tell you how much they loved it am I missing something..!

Someone please help me understand what relationships are now becoming when is it ok not to be thankful when is it ok to string someone along to play with their emotions why do that please let those people go they are truly not worth any more of your tears they lie to your face and say you mean this and that but yet the same person they claim they don't like they seeing On the low they just dont want to lose you but keep you around as well.

I've had enough I say this over and over but I am so sick of Crying my eyes out for someone who I can not trust nor believe in I could see if I asked for money hand bags and was with you for your fame but im not and wasn't I never wanted anything from you and still don't but your heart some of your time but yet I can't even get that I lose I'll never win.

I know for a fact I am one hell of a girl to have by your side I'm not perfect I made mistakes but I've never lied I've never mislead you I never asked of anything but yet when I ask you to do simple things for me talk to my brother encourage him I get I forgot when I ask for you to help me just by a simple RT for my charity you dont but every twitter hoe you see you do anything for I ask you to come here you pull away but yet grab me and say don't walk away from you tell me why the hell should I stay I'm not happy and we are not friends or in a relationship clearly when you stop talking to me you hit me with your new # I didn't ask you for it I was ok with moving on but No you had to keep me in reach so you can break me down every chance you get what the hell did I ever do to you to deserve this type of treatment from you please help me understand please because I'm not saying I'm done anymore I'm going to show you FACT how much I'm done because this isn't love this abuse when I know I don't deserve this from No man I'll never let anyone treat me like this ever again in my life thank you for helping me realize I am truly worth happiness love and respect because if it wasn't for you I would have never known my worth thank you thank you thank you

I'm asked this over and over here's the truth

Im often asked How could I spend years of my time loving & caring & fighting for someone who never cared or respected me thats a Good question but take away the money, name & Fame I seen so of myself in him i can relate to growing up without a dad being raised by a single hard working mother people assuming your always angry but deep down your not they just don't see the hurt the pain the sadness the tears you cry because you never show your emotion keeping everything inside Keeping to yourself working your ass off for a better life for you and your family having that special someone in your life who took the chance and never gave up on you because they believed in you. I stayed because I wanted him to NO i understood why he is the way he is his struggles and mine are different but some what similar we both can relate to one another that he could trust that he has a friend in me despite anything he knows i have has his back because i love and want nothing from him other for him to be happy and to continue to shine and be the greatest who ever did it that's why I stayed around for all these years....!

Believe in your happiness

Sometimes we put up with so much disappointment hurt & pain from the ones we NO who don't care because we say we love them so we make it ok hoping that one day they will change but never do so we are left wondering & feeling worthless & have given up hope on love until that 1 person comes along 2 remind you what love & friendship truly means words can't express the happiness & joy you have but it shows always be thankful 4 the relationships that didn't workout because you are now with the person who was right for you all along :)

Fam is everything without them I'm nothing

I often forget how truly grateful I am to have 2 amazing grandmothers and a grandfather, Family who I adore

Today I spent the day with my baby cousin nani and my grandmother and her friend summer for Nanis birthday it was so much fun to have that one on one time with them just seeing the laughs and joy on there faces was great

I never really get to spend that much time with my family but today was all worth it I've realized what I've been missing life isn't about money or fame it's about spending and sharing precious moments with the ones you truly love seeing them happy makes me happy just knowing that the time I spend with them matters it's not what I buy them it's the time and the love and the memories that we share that matters days like this let's me know how truly loved and blessed I truly am to have such an amazing family :)

I just don't understand

Sometimes I don't understand when someone says that they know longer want to talk To you but always texts you to see how you are doing and want To hang out are just mixed signs

Make up your mind before you call me you can't have me and someone else I stayed down and around for all your ups and downs for years now I'm ready to move on and be truly happy with someone who wants to be happy with me loving and letting go is hard but at the end of the day sometimes things don't work out with some people's because god is telling you are meant for someone else never be upset or mad with someone because things didn't work out say thank you for the laughs and some of the tears but move along with a smile because mr or mrs right is waiting to say hello :)

Happy V-Day

Wishing you all a Happy V-Day may you enjoy this beautiful day with the one's you LOVE :)

My sister is my BFF

I thank God for blessing me with such an amazing best friend who I have known for 15 years she is more than my best friend she is my sister her mother is a 2nd mother to me her family is my family.

we met in 1st grade and have been friends ever since lol it's safe to say That we are stuck with one another and I wouldn't have it any other way I wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone in this world I haven't met someone who adores animals who's very kind and sweet but also very gracious and Genuine person within who's big loving heart always seeing the good in others and always wanting the best for people.

To my beautiful best friend Britt I love you with all my heart and wish you nothing but the best i know you will be the best host the world has ever seen move over Ryan, Britt has come to town I believe in you as much as you believe in me thank you for always standing beside me and loving me for the person that I am thank you for not only being just an amazing friend but a wonderful sister that i am truly blessed to have in my life i am proud of the woman you have turned out to be and looking forward to watching all your dreams come true before my eyes :D I love you sissy

Say her name RIH RIH

I have a serious girl crush on rihanna but who doesn't .. I think she is absolutely gorgeous and her Style is crazy whats not to love about this chick

I find that working out at the beach is the most relaxing exercise that you can possibly do it free lol and not only do you get to workout your body but you also get to let everything thats on your mind go to the sounds of the waves and when you're running in the sand the resistance on your legs the stairs everything about the beach I find it's the best exercise you can possibly do and you can do it every day without worrying about what others are doing or looking at its just you against the beach

Being good is not good enough

I had a talk with my 12 year old brother today and the talk that I gave him I shouldn't given to myself along time ago I told him being good is not good enough you have to be greater you have to be better you have to be the best

you will always have to fight for your position nothing will ever come easy Nothing will ever be handed to you will always have to work and outshine people you have to remember its people that move from state to state to achieve their dreams and they will never let you stop them they want it more than you

so you have to remember there's always someone else out there who wants to achieve the same dream as you and they are some people maybe better than you but don't let that stop you because you have to believe in your heart and talents that you are the best who ever did it and they are just trying to take your position and outshine you but you cant and won't let that happen you have to fight

you have to go hard you have to work even harder theres no time for sleep you can do that when you are old never make it easy for anyone 2 out stage you can't give them the chance 2 you have to be the greatest that ever did it you can't think of anyone else because there is no one standing in your way you have make your dream come true for you and not because others want you to

so I realized I'm not doing for me I need to stop it I always find my self going back into my old habits of always doing for others and I need to stop and think about me and achieving greatness and I will be the best that ever did it mark my words my name will go down in history books


So the message of the day is being good is not good enough being better than greatness even when you achieve your dreams stay hungry stay motivated and determined.

Miss Walker

Dear younger self
I want you to know you are still hurting and you allowed yourself to make so many mistakes in your adult life I wish You weren't in such a rush to grow up I wish you would have taken your time and enjoyed your youth and take school more seriously I want you to know the relationship between you and your mother gets better the world knows who you are but not in the way you want them to know you as an actress but as an urban model I wish you would believe in yourself more and stop 2nd guessing yourself you are still truly a wonderful beautiful person inside and out its ok to say No it's ok to speak up it's ok for people not to like you don't have to please everyone not everyone is meant to be your friend you still have a smile that lightens up a room you are still the sweetest person ever It's ok to let people in to get to know you I am proud of you for opening up about your past speaking out to help others who have been threw the Same thing as you are not alone in this world

You and Britney are still friends and closer than ever you 2 push one another to be better shes always there for you and will always be your sister and best friend

You have learned the true meaning of love and how to be treated but you lost Marcus due to your Insecurities but believe when I say you haven't found the right yet but you will and when you do you will be truly spoiled with his love and have an amazing friend and Partner in your life.

You are truly an amazing woman and a wonderful friend your heart and arms are always open you truly care about others more than you do yourself you are honestly like your grandfather always wanting the best for everyone you are truly a blessing. It took you a while but you have grown into your own skin and believing you are a beautiful within and out

You've learned the true meaning of living life and doing things your way and doing what makes you happy you are the trying to be the best sister in the world you have honestly turned out to be an amazing woman who follows her heart never holding grudges you have such a forgiving heart and starting to be an amazing cook

honestly Miss Walker you are truly special and happy to see you believing In your self and fighting for your dreams and having such a wonderful relationship with God you are something special I am proud of the woman you have become you told yourself you had enough and made a sacrifice to do better and be better for keeping your focus and and determination to succeed in your life you go girl

Goodbye 2011 Hello 2012

Before 2011 ends I wanted to say I have learned so much about myself and the things I truly want for myself and also for my family I learned the true meaning of being in love and also losing love

I learned the true meaning of friendship and also having those around you who aren't your friends but who use you for who you know or knowing those who use your kindness and mistake it for weakness and also knowing the meaning of self worth and having those who wish you well and also those who want to see me fail I in life I also learned the true meaning of beauty and believing in love with myself and having standards for my life it's ok to speak up and not be afraid to say no or whats on my mind it's ok to take chances in life when I say I learned about self worth just because someone may have more than me doesn't mean they have the right to speak to me or treat me any kind of way just because they have money or a big time star i treat people with respect thats how i deserve to be treated as well I open my arms and heart to everyone never judging others for who they are or what they do I see the good in everyone but ive allowed myself to get walked all over and judged because I don't walk around in make up or YSL or rock every hand bag in the world I've allowed myself to do so many foolish things and have viewed my life as always pleasing and seeking people approval So when I say Ive learned the true meaning of self worth it's being happy with who I am and what I have and where I am headed in my life ---- what people may have say I am beautiful and going threw my struggles but know God will see me threw an bless me an my family with all he has planned out for our lives Im not going to be afraid to live my life and worry about thing I can not change

If I can give advice to anyone it would be live your life with so much love and just do what makes you happy always put yourself 1st I am not prefect and no one on this earth is we all make mistakes and have a past of things we are ashamed of but thats life we are only human and have to learn from every choice we make in life but keep your faith within yourself and believe that you have been put here on this earth to be a true blessing in someones life as far as being a great friend amazing husband or wife mother or father an amazing son or daughter brother or sister whatever the reason you are here for a reason enjoy life and live it up I am excited to say I am truly happy with the changes I am making and also working harder to achieve my dreams and thanking god for opening my eyes and showing me what I need to do but also for all th love and support he has for me and never giving up on me I am proud to say I am a grown woman who knows what she's deserves and know the true meaning of love and support and working hard to achieve all my dreams while in blessed to see another year.

I welcome 2012 with open arms and truly excited for what I have in store for myself and always what God has planned out for me and my family most people say what they are going to do I rather just do it and let my work speak for its self but I wanted to say thank you for all supporting me and coming on here to read about my life struggles and the progress that i am making thank you all may god bless you all.