The fight isn't over

Lately I have been feeling down until today I am more motivated than I have ever been before I use to complain and say I felt like I didn't deserve to be here that my life didn't have any purpose until I figured out and got sick of sitting back and just letting time pass me bye I had to realize I've overcome so much look what i have done for myself I started my own foundation and im starting my own business not for myself but for my family yes life gets stressful and things get hard and sometimes I feel as if I am alone in this world with know one too talk to or help me threw but it's ok because I know I have myself and god and I always have to think of my family I can't give up what about those children depending on me how could I turn my back on them I may be down and going threw something but they are are going threw a lot more so let me stop and think of some one other than myself.

I have to thank god for answering my prayers and I hear what he is telling me to do go harder than I have ever gone amd do things that I have never done and do not be afraid of change or walking in my faith alone because he is near guiding me every step of the way so for that I thank him for bringing me out of my funk that I was going threw sometimes I am to hard on my self and have to wait for things in due time everything happens for a reason but me being on this earth wasn't a mistake me living is an honor because I have a purpose I didn't understand it nor did I see it until now and I am more thankful to god for allowing me another chance and giving me my hope and making me strong today and everyday.

Sometimes it's hard for us to see because we allow what others are doing to block our sight of achieving because we are jealous and don't understand why them and not us not we are not all meant to walk the same journey. We all have different paths in store for us so don't not fear if things may seem hard don't lost sight don't give up believe believe and believe in all things you set your mind to sometime we have to lock our self away to come to a clear understanding sometimes it's us that can only bring our self out of a certain things that we go threw in life. I guess the saying is true you can only depend on yourself to pull you threw god will always be there helping and showing you every step of the way. So don't be upset so be be worried and most importantly never give up on yourself ever no matter how hard things may seem you will achieve and overcome believe it.  

Out of control

I'm suppose to be sleeping but I have so much on my mind I just thought I would come on here and blog and write it all down.. There are so many thoughts running threw my mind it's hard to try to figure them all out. I don't even know where to start.

I'm not happy I'm disappointed with a lot of things I'm lost and stuck and do not know where to turn I feel as the world is all coming down on me and I don't know how to handle it all it's not like I can cry on the shoulder of my best friend because she lives in NYC I have no one to talk to I feel alone and I know I come off as a strong person I am but sometimes I need someone to lean on and ask for advice but as of now I don't have that I don't know who to call it seems like every time I call someone they are all going threw there own problem's so I help them solve there's and just keep my own to myself.. 

It's hard always being there for everyone else and having know one to be there for you I always go above and beyond for people but know one has my back or does the same for me maybe it's the people I hang around but that even goes for my own family honestly who can I turn to every one always wants something and I'm not able to always give people what they ask for I don't know  how to say know to people it's like you tell me what you need and I try my best to make it happen if something is wrong I'm the person everyone comes to but I asked myself who can I turn to when I need help or advice and I truly see I can't depend on anyone to be there I face everything alone I know god has my back but sometimes I feel like he's not around or if I'm looking for a word to help me threw and I can never find it no matter how many times I pray and ask god to guide me I feel as if He does not hear my prayers or see my tears .. 

Stress and crying have been my best friend lately and I am to young to be stressed out crying myself to sleep I would say I want to give up on everything I have been working so hard for but me giving up on my dreams is me giving up on my life Ive been soul searching ive been staying away from those who wish to see me fail but yet I'm still stuck I've been kind to those who haven't been kind to me I've helped those who really needed help with money and a place to stay knowing if the tables where turned they wouldn't do the same.

I feel that I'm a kind person who's always looking out for everyone so again the question comes up at hand why do bad things always happen to me why is it one thing after another I do right I don't do wrong I respect people and there wishes. But why is it that I get disrespected why do I get my feeling hurt why do people try to bring me down why do I take on everyone else's problems what the he'll is wrong with me I'm so damn lost and have no idea how to uplift myself I go to god I go to church but yet I still feel the same way as i did yesterday I try putting myself and my needs before everyone else but it seems what I want and what I need to do is always last I give so much of my time and self to people that I'm tired and drained emotionally and physically it's not like I have a boyfriend to run and talk to I'm single it's not like I can run and talk to my family or friends no one wants to hear my troubles there all worried about if I can hook them up with this person or that maybe I just need to cut everyone and everything out my life until I can get myself together.